Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
