HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize