She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
