Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
