Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
