What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
