mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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