Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
try to milk me bitch
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