Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
