i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
