can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
