My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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