Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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