Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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