Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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