dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
