a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
