No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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