I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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