BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
