I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
