Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
