I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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