he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Randomize
