so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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