Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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