we're blogging at a bar
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
