Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
