he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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