When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
