New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
