you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
