I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
