I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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