I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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