it hurts more in the daytime
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
