I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
