He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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