I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
