we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
