its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
