my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
