my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I can't turn off my feet"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
