I'm lost and stupid without you.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize