i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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