Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Someone came in the potted fern
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
