I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
