I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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