Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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