THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
