I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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