Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
