I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize