I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
