How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize