even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
