Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
