I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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