Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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