I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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