problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
