Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize