This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
