we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
