I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
