The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
