When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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