im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
