Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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