He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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