Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
