Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so let's talk penis.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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