Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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