Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
