Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
