My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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