I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
