We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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