i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
