Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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