I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
