Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize