Its about making memories worth repressing
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
