I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
