and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize