It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
