Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize