dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
