just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize