Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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